The Power of Choice

"How is this decision going to affect me?"  Jim Fay (Love and Logic Institute) often refers to this as being the most important question a child can learn to ask themselves. 
Protecting our children/students is an absolute necessity in today's culture.  However, we are quickly seeing the effects of over protecting and self-prescribing everything for children from infancy up through college.  The term "boomerang generation"  has reached the levels of the Dr. Phil and Oprah Show.  If you haven't heard this term it refers to the college generation that returns home immediately or soon after college do to the inability to actually take care of themselves. 
I started making giving choices a priority for myself as a principal about 3 years ago.  I quickly noticed three things.
1.  Kids can make good choices.
2.  Kids can live with the consequences when they are the one making the bad choice.
3.  They actually learn not to make the same mistake as often as they would if the adult was the one telling them what to do. 
I began sharing with staff and parents the success that I was having with giving choices and letting kids live with the consequences.   Parents seem to struggle with the same issues that we deal with at school... go figure.. same kids.   Many parents that I've worked with have found that it takes a lot of stress off of them and puts more control into the hands of the child allowing them to become more responsible for their decisions. 
Don't get me wrong....I feel like we are scratching the surface at Lexington, however we have seen success and benefits both at home and in the classroom.   This change from directives to choices is often very difficult due to the emotion that goes along with raising kids.  I often suggest with parents using a simple 3 S method.   
1.  Smile- Smiling often makes kids wonder what the adult is thinking.  The frown is obvious.    
2.  Slowly- Moving quickly and aggressively towards a child often puts them into a state of fear instead of thinking.
3.  Simple- Keep your suggestions or choices simple.  Never reason with a kid.  It just makes it worse.

Throughout our schools we see the effects of bad choices.   We must be willing to let the learning process extend itself to behavior.  Working with parents through the process often makes for a better relationship with the parent as well and hopefully a more prepared, non-boomerang adult

Comments

[Matt Ile]

Often applying common sense to a situation is the best way to come to a viable learning experience. Your 3S concept just makes sense. Kids, parents and especially teachers can get this. I hope some building administrators use your advice as well. We have one building level administrator who takes great pride in confrontation and ruling by fear instead of leading her students with compassion. It's a major frustration, but perhaps the 3S could make an impact. I will share this with her.