Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

I was watching Nightline on ABC the other night, and they were doing a story about children lying.  It was fascinating because this is a topic I have been interested in for a long time, and it is something I deal with on occasion at school.  Sure, children lie, but so do adults.  I am wondering if lying is a natural born instinct or a learned behavior - a twist on the classic nature-nurture argument.

Researchers at McGill University in Montreal believe that lying is a natural milestone for children.  The essence of their work suggests that lying is part of their normal development, and it is a form of higher intelligence.  These researchers have conducted numerous experiments on this topic. The experiment highlighted on this show placed individual children seated in a room, facing the wall.  The children were told to guess what toy was sitting on the table behind them.  They were told not to look at the toy, just make a guess.  The researcher left the room and watched from outside.  80 percent of the children peaked at the toy.

Then, when the adult returned to the room and asked if the child turned around to look at the toy, the kids tended to lie.  In fact, the researchers found that 74 percent of kids ranging in age from 4 to 7 lied about it. 

"These are not bad children, these are very typical children," said Victoria Talwar, an assistant professor at Montreal's McGill University specializing in developmental psychology. "It is a natural, normal behavior that children will occasionally tell lies."

Lying is normal, natural? According to Talwar and her team of research assistants, lying is a positive developmental milestone. "It's a part of normal development and understanding the difference between what's true and convincing someone else of an altered truth — actually really takes a lot of intelligence to do that," said researcher Cindy Arruda.

The phrase "kids lying" instinctively sounds like a bad thing, but in the lab, the researchers view lying as an important part of social communication that builds empathy.  "The fact is that lying is not a good behavior. It's very clear in society that we don't want people to lie … on the other hand," Talwar continued, "lying is a good thing in that it is a by-product of a positive development in children. So when we see lying in children, it's actually a marker of this ability to understand someone else's perspective and what they're going through."

Dr. Talwar and her team present an interesting perspective, and one I had not considered until now.  So often, I have worked with children who have lied to me in an attempt to stay out of trouble.  21 years of experience as an educator have taught me how to recognize the signs that a child is lying, and my instincts are almost always correct.  I have said to children a thousand times to "tell me the truth now.  If you lie, it only makes it worse."  But, if the experts at McGill are correct, then I should expect children to lie to me about 75% of the time, and I should not be angry or disappointed in them.

However, I am wondering if three-fourths of all children are hard-wired at birth to lie automatically.  Can it be possible that lying is a learned behavior?  We know that adults lie (fib?) about things all the time.  We lie to children in order to keep them from doing something we perceive as rude (don't crack your knuckles, it will cause arthritis), to keep a secret from them (where do babies come from?), to help them believe in something that is not true (Santa Claus, the tooth fairy), or to keep them safe and healthy (I never even tasted beer until I was 21).

We also know that adults lie about more serious things as well.  Often, lying is the way people make money, stay out of trouble, cheat others, and spread harmful gossip or rumors.  Whether children are aware of the more serious adult lies, I am not sure.  But never underestimate the perceptiveness of kids.  They know much more than we think they know.

What do you think?  Are children natural born liars?  If so, then maybe we need to rethink the way we discipline them when they are caught in a lie.  Or do children learn to lie by watching and listening to us adults do it?  If that is the case, we need to work on our behavior.

By the way, for my next post, I will be writing about the huge fish I caught while vacationing in the Bahamas.

Comments

[Charlie A. Roy]

Lying to get what we want or to make excuses is rather common place. I've worked with many families as a dean, teacher, and principal and when they are caught in a lie it is always interesting.

A couple of examples: One young lady brought a note saying she was going to the doctor's office at noon. In fact she walked across the street to a popular eatery to meet a friend from another school who had lied as well. The mom did actually write the note with full knowledge the daughter would be breaking the school's rules. When it all came to light because I was picking up a lunch order it was rather comical.

We have a policy of randomly checking notes to verify their authenticity. The mother kept up with the doctor's excuse for a full ten minutes. I then explained how worried I was she hadn't made it to the doctor because she was at Chilis. The mother became embarrassed and apologized for lying. The girls received the consequences for a class cut and I promised not to judge the mother by her worst moments but only her best. She begged me not to tell her husband who is a close friend. Fun, fun.

We do see it all the time. It violates a commandment I believe. We see it on senior ditch day when parents call their kids in sick. Just call and say my kid is an irresponsible ass who caves to social pressure. It is much more reasonable instead of debasing your dignity to lie for an adolescent.

I'll look forward to hearing about that fish. It will compliment my hunting trip for Sascwatch in Canada.

[Rick]

I usually give kids a chance to "rethink" their story and try telling it again when I'm sure that what they're saying doesn't add up. It depends on the situation, of course, but I rarely punish a made-up story the first time around.

[Neil A. Rochelle]

I truly don't think lying is hard wired. I do believe it is learned and higher order thinking. I also think that for most children (and adults), lying is motivated by human's competetive nature to "win", people's nature to want to please others or as it relates to our need for approval, to not want to disappoint people. I have never had an experience with someone lying that didn't have a root cause in one or more of these reasons.

[Angie]

We also lie for social reasons to keep people from getting their feelings hurt. "Of course your new haircut looks great." "Can't make it to your party, we have a family commitment." "Tell grandma thank you for the reindeer sweater." So, while lying can be for bad reasons (to get ahead, etc.), we also use it for perhaps nobler reasons. We teach our children to lie in this way and hope that eventually they will figure out the difference between good lies and bad lies. But while they're still developing, can we be surprised that they haven't yet figured out the difference?

[sweetchuckd]

Have you heard about the Texas girl who lied about being attacked in school? See the original headline, and all other crazy school house news at http://detentionslip.org.