Protect or Prepare: Which is Better for Children?

The natural instinct of parents is to protect their children from any harm they may encounter  while growing up.  Parents certainly do not want their children getting hurt, either physically or emotionally.  Conversely, parents do want their children to experience success, both in and out of school. But when does parental protection turn into over-protection that does more harm than good?

You may be asking "How can protecting a child be harmful?"  That is a legitimate question.  When we were growing up, we made mistakes and learned valuable lessons. Furthermore, situations will undoubtedly arise in a person's life where he or she will need to make a difficult choice or decision.  If parents overprotect their children from these situations when they are young, what will happen when they are older, and the parents are not there to protect them?  Will they be prepared with the skills and strategies to help themselves through a difficult, uncomfortable, or potentially dangerous situation?  Parents will not always be available to ride in on the white horse and save their kids from trouble or danger. 

So, this begs two questions. First, what can we as educators do to convince parents that it is alright for children to face some adversity, failure, and disappointment?  Second, what can parents do to help children navigate around the potholes of life?  Adults need to prepare children to take care of themselves when they are confronted with a problem or when they have to make a difficult choice.  The ability to solve a problem or avert trouble is a skill that needs to be taught.  This is not an inherited trait, nor do children attain this skill through osmosis.  You and I may know how to deal with potentially troubling situations, but I would guess that that is due to adult modeling, life-lessons taught to us by adults, and the experiences we have encountered from the time we were little.  Unfortunately, many adults (and some children) have not learned how to handle problems appropriately which is why our court systems are so clogged with cases of people who have gotten themselves into trouble.

When children come home from school and start crying because they were being teased, ignored, left out, or treated  disrespectfully by another person, their parents' natural instinct is to comfort them and then try to fix the problem for them.  Instead, I believe that parents should comfort their children, and then teach them ways to solve the problem for themselves.  This approach teaches children how to advocate for themselves, and it helps them become more self-confident. 

If children complain that they are being treated unfairly in school, the first, and most natural, parental reaction is to make a call to the teacher or principal in order to fix the problem.  Instead, I would argue that parents need to teach their children how to approach the person and explain what is bothering them. 

We know that children are confronted with choices all day long.  They often are presented with situations where the correct choice also is the more difficult choice.  Our responsibility as parents and educators is to prepare children for such moments through discussion, modeling, and role-playing.  Then, when they make a good choice, praise them and point out the positive consequences of their actions.  If they make a bad choice, teach them to take responsibility for their actions and accept the consequences of their poor choice. 

These are only a few examples of ways we can prepare our children for success in the big, bad world.  I am sure there are many other ways, and I know that there are a lot of great resources for parents and teachers to help prepare children for the potholes of life.  If you have some good resources for me or others, please share. 

 

Comments

[Dave]

I agree with everything you say here. I have been trying to figure out a way to PREPARE students for unwelcome content on the internet and how to deal with it. Maybe we can rely less on blocking and filtering, but it will take a while to change.